Category Archives: accountability

2019: what’s it gonna be?

20 Sunday Jan 2019

Posted by in accountability, career, choices, dreams, goals, life, money, motivation, resolutions, work

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This blog suddenly combined about five separate blog ideas that I’ve been wanting to write about for a while – so…get comfy!

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I’m a lover of the holidays and the excitement of a new year.  This year, however, I was feeling a little lost and overwhelmed.

Recently I’ve been debating whether I should even have any goals: aside from better financial stability, our life is pretty darn great.   Sometimes, however, I look at other people’s lives as they are jet-setting around the world with their children, or buying things I could only dream of affording,

The social media induced jealousy kicks in, and I have to remind myself that their life is not my life.  Maybe they’ve worked their asses off more than I’ve ever been willing to work my ass off.  Maybe they’re dealing with some really difficult situations that I hope I never have to deal with.  Maybe they come from affluent families so their lifestyle is just their normal.  This is where my super jealousy kicks in: why wasn’t I born into a family with inside connections at Yale or Harvard to land me in a six figure job?  Or with a summer cottage on Cape Cod?  Or hey, maybe just a trust fund from grandpa?!  But then I bring myself back to what I WAS born into: a family with no lack of love/compassion/affection, a roof over my head and food on the table at all times, no trauma, I grew up in a country of freedoms and possibilities, etc., etc.

So how much more can I ask for?  I have an incredibly amazing husband, two healthy, smart, and beautiful boys, a cozy home that I’m in love with, and amazing and supportive family.  Is it fair to ask more of life?  Should I really be trying to get MORE out of life?  Or should I just be happy and content with where I am, instead of always looking for something else to achieve or accomplish?

In talking to Jeff about these thoughts, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should still strive for success.  People didn’t become successful in life by being complacent with what they had, right?  I recently read Girl, Wash Your Face, and  Handcrafted.   Both books have the overarching theme of setting a big life goal/dream, and how they achieved it.  For the life of me, I can’t figure out what my big goal in life is.  WHAT DO I WANT?  One of my biggest fears right now is to think I’ll look back on my life when I’m 60/70/80, and realize I lived my life passively – never going for the big ticket items, staying in my comfort zone, never taking risks, never doing the things I really wanted to do.  But…WHAT DO I WANT?

I can’t decide if I want to be self-employed so I can spend more time at home with the boys (but how will those student loans get paid off?  What could I possibly do to make enough money on my own?  What about our benefits? What about that pension plan?), find a job that pays more so we’re not stressing every month (but what kind of stress and hours will that come with?  Will I hate what I’m doing?  I’ll surely have to commute!  How can anything that I love/enjoy doing possibly pay me more than I’m making now?), think long term and stick with the security of my benefits and that pension plan (am I settling?  Was I made to do more?  Am I making a difference?), or move somewhere where we can buy property and live like Chip and Jo (how could we possibly move away from our family?  We love our neighbors! How will I learn to milk a cow?!).

On the other end of the big life goals, are the little (but really, the big ones) life goals: our kids are growing up so fast: how do I make the most of this time?  How can I be a more patient mother that doesn’t lose it after asking (and being asked) the same question five times? (Mom.  Mommy.  Mommy.  MOMMY. MOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYY).

Let’s rewind a little to the holidays and the lead up to Christmas.  I love Christmas.  I look forward to nights on our couch with the Christmas lights on and all our decorations, garlands, and nacimientos, basically from the moment we clean them up from the year before.  But this year it seemed like a lot of WORK.  Getting all the decorations down from our rafters in the garage.  Sorting through them and figuring out what to put where.  Storing all the year-round decor.  And finally trying to put some of those boxes back up in the rafters so I’m not cursing them each time I go do our laundry in the garage for the whole month of December.

 

But, once it was done, I loved it.  We had amazing nights cuddling on the couch with our lights on, fireplace going, watching Christmas classics (Home Alone, A Christmas Story, and a new one we’ve watched about five times: Christmas Chronicles).  My heart was so full and happy!

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Watching A Christmas Story on Christmas Eve

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Both boys joining me at 6am on the couch

I also had a little more anxiety about gifts for everyone this year.  We’re usually broke enough that it’s not a concern (ha!), but the last couple of years Jeff’s holiday photo shoots has given us the luxury of a well gifted Christmas.  We really wanted to spoil our parents this year, so we tried to buy them several things each.  And the boys?  Well, it’s hard as a parent to not want to buy them EVERYTHING.  Even knowing that it will end up in a pile in the toy room.  And the living room.  And our bedroom.  And the dinning room table.

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But all of those gifts require thought and time.

So this Christmas was my first big exercise in letting go.  Letting go of all the Christmas events I wanted us to go to but just couldn’t make it work.  Letting go of not being able to do all of the things.  Letting go of the DIY gift idea for our parents that on Christmas eve I just didn’t have the energy to pull off (but hey, maybe next year!).  And as hard as it was for me to make those decisions and move on, once each of those decisions was made, so much weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I didn’t have to stress about the million little logistics to make that event or thing happen.

And you know what?  Christmas didn’t suck because I let all of those things go.  We had a wonderful Christmas eve with our parents, a great Christmas morning at home with the boys, and then we headed off to Arizona to see family.

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My in-laws rented us hotel rooms, and it was a great experience with the boys: it was like the four of us having a sleepover in one big room!  Our first morning waking up in the hotel, Jake asked if we would hide his bajillion dinosaurs so he could go on a dino hunt.  I found myself starting my usual response of “right after I do the dishes/laundry/pick up/fix breakfast/feed Gogo Dojo (our awesome beta)/etc.” and realized: I’m not home, I have nothing to do.  And it was the greatest feeling in the world to say “sure!” to him with no reservations, no feelings of “I should be doing this instead.”  I did have a stark realization that my constant “I have to do this first” is not going unnoticed when I used one of those responses with Jake before, and he replied, not happily, “you ALWAYS have to do [x, y, z].”  How much mommy guilt can a mommy take?!

 

All of this to say that I’m trying to figure out what I want to focus on this year, and what I want my goals to be, and I feel like letting go of things and focusing on quality family time are big ones this year.

I also think I’ve been overthinking things: I’ve been trying to nail down these very specific goals – but maybe setting generic goals is my first step.  I’ve been trying to take advice I keep hearing: give yourself grace.  So in giving myself grace, I’ll settle for some big picture goals that I’ll have to break down further:

  • Be present: let things go so I can focus on the moment with my family, and give myself grace in moments of exasperation (I need to be better about admitting that I can’t do all things at one time).  I also decided to limit my social media time, so I deleted Instagram and Facebook apps off my phone – it was actually a huge relief to not “have” to check them every time I picked up my phone.  This has also helped with my social media lifestyle jealousy.
  • Financial stability and comfort: something to strive for, but honestly no idea how to get there.  I did recently come across this book, so maybe I’ll give that a read.
  • Figure out what makes me happy and feeling fulfilled at work: I think this will take a while, and I’ve decided not to make it a priority for now.  I think with the kids being so young and this season of our life being so fleeting, I want to focus on my first goal, and maybe figure this one out along the way.

So, my word for the year? Passionate.  I want to be passionate about my family, my work, my home.  I want to be excited about what I’m doing.

What are your goals?  Do you like setting goals, or do you think they’re a waste of effort?  Any advice on how to achieve my goals? :-P

New Year Goals

09 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in accountability, advice, beginning, blog, family, goals, inspiration, new year, organizing, projects, Uncategorized, yoga

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I’m not calling them resolutions, I feel like that’s setting myself up for failure.  I just want to incorporate a few changes to help me not stress or worry so much about the little things.  I’m a list maker…but sometimes thinking of those lists is stressful when I’m constantly trying to check things off.  So, I’m trying to be more aware of the things that are good around me, that I don’t need to stress about, and learn how to plan my lists a little better so they’re more manageable.

I’ve changed my morning routine this past week, and I’m liking it.  I don’t have any projects or work to do before work right now (crafting for a birthday or babyshower, or working on a wedding timeline), so instead I’m waking up and doing 5 minutes of yoga or other exercise, and then a 5 minute written reflection.  My reflection is taken from Slow Family Living by Bernadette Noll, and a series of questions suggested in there, although I think I might change the questions in time.  Right now they consist of:

  • Seven things you are thankful for (seven seems excessive, but maybe that’s the point…there are a lot of things in our daily life to be thankful for that maybe we don’t realize on a daily basis)
  • How are you feeling (everyday seems to start with fine or tired, so I’m not sure this question will make it through the year)
  • What are your intentions for the day (I do like this one, it makes me refocus and try to stay positive through the day)
  • What did you learn yesterday
  • What are your goals/desires/wishes for immediate or distant future
  • To-do’s (these almost replicate my other to-do lists, but sometimes it helps me bring to mind the immediate to-do’s)

Another great tip that I’ve picked up from this book is to have a “buffer time” in between things, and to not try to squeeze in one more thing before rushing off to the next.  The author mentioned trying to send “one more email,” and how that then makes her rush to accomplish the next thing.  This is something I do every morning…I push my getting ready for work time until the very last minute, trying to squeeze in one more task to mark off my list.  I’m trying not to do that so much, and to leave more time to get ready and head out the door.  And to put on mascara.  THAT is a New Year’s Resolution: try to at least wear mascara a few days a week.  At a minimum (I mean, I’m almost 34…I have to start caring at some point..right?).

I also purchased a planner again this year.  I’ve been using Google Calendar for the last few years, and I can’t remember the last time I had an actual, physical planner, but I think it’s time to go back.  It means duplicating some calendaring (to keep both my google calendar and my physical planner up to date), but I like the ability to see things on the planner, plus it allows me to break down daily and monthly goals, which I’m really liking.  I don’t have to have one long list that I’m constantly trying to tackle, instead I can break it down by week or month.  It also has places to write down monthly goals, which I’m loving: I can focus on something to work on each month and have it written down to keep me accountable.

Yesterday (Sunday), I implemented several of these goals and the results were pretty awesome.  I got up early (Josh wakes up to nurse around 530/6 and then it’s hard for me to get back to sleep anyway, even on weekends), did my 5 minute “workout,” did my reflections, and then went to the grocery store to buy groceries for the week.  I had time to meal plan on Friday, which was GREAT…usually I put off buying groceries until Sunday evening and we try to meal plan at some point over the weekend, but it’s so hard to squeeze in those five minutes with two kids and a house of things to do.  Let me tell you, shopping at 7am solo vs. 5pm with kids is a GAME CHANGER.  I put on my headphones and listened to an audio book for the Literate Lushes book of the month, and checked everything off my list.  I was back home, with groceries unloaded and put away, before anyone even woke up!  And then….I didn’t have it in the back of my mind all day…I could just smile knowing that it was done and all our groceries were already in our fridge just waiting to be made, haha.  I was so much happier once everyone woke up, knowing that I had already been productive and had some “me” time.  Will definitely try to keep that going through the year.

What are your plans/resolutions for 2017?

 

Discussions on Development: Not surprised.

26 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by in accountability, Discussions on Development, frustrations, Guatemala, impunity, legal

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Back in March I wrote about a historical trial taking place in Guatemala.  Since then, it’s been quite a roller coaster of events.  The trial was interrupted multiple times by some fairly dramatic antics from the defense, but the trial eventually moved forward and the judge found Efrain Rios Montt guilty.  You’d think that would be the end of it (perhaps maybe an appeal), but far from it.  The Constitutional Court of Guatemala ordered a re-trial, and it escapes me now but I believe it was on the grounds of the in/admissibility of certain evidence by the defense.

Since then, the case has been in limbo pending the re-trial.  Until this week, when the Constitutional Court ruled on another motion that was filed by the defense.  The Constitutional Court has now ruled that Rios Montt may seek amnesty for the charges based on his position as general at the time of the crimes.  UGH.

As much as this is disappointing, it’s not surprising, and maybe that’s what’s even more disappointing.

There’s a more in depth analysis here.

30 Before 30 Update

07 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in accomplishments, accountability

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Back in November, 2011, I wrote a blog about certain things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30.  I’ve been putting this off mostly because it’s a little embarrassing how many things I didn’t accomplish (although the attorney in me will try to reason every single one of those failures into a success anyway), but I figure I owe it to be accountable either way.

So, here we go:

1. First and foremost, I want to be settled into a job. No more uncertainty of what I’m doing…whether it’s working somewhere, or working on my own, I want it to be legit, I want to be able to get pregnant if we decide we’re ready, I want to have health insurance, I want to feel financially….hmmm….not-on-the-verge-of-being-broke? I know this is a lot for #1, but I think they all are part of one big package.

Weeeeeeeell, I’m still having some ups and downs on that one, but I do think I’m gonna turn it around this year!  So, maybe while I’m thirty I’ll accomplish this one.

2. Travel. There are too many places I want to go to: Germany (Mike, Uli & Hank!), Spain (Isa!), Hawaii (again, self-explanatory, but I want to be consistent with the parenthesis), Guatemala (grandma), Haiti (self explanatory). I’m not expecting all of these to happen before I turn 30. I’d be happy with one or two.

ACCOMPLISHED!  I only made it to one of these places, but that’s really all I was shooting for anyway, so this one I can confidently cross off the list.

Jeff and I biking in the English Garden in Munich, Germany.

Jeff and I biking in the English Garden in Munich, Germany.

3. Become serious about some sort of work out: whether it be walking/hiking, or picking up rock climbing again, which I miss doing.
Well, that’s just a failure anyway I look at it, no legal rationalizing out of this one.  I’ve had more down time in the last year that I’d care to admit, and yet I’m still too lazy to go for a walk or a run every day.  I’m not sure why.  The only thing that comes to mind is that I really do better at time management and doing stuff when I have too much on my plate than when I don’t have anything on my plate.  Weird.

4. Develop my blog. This includes moving to WordPress, as well as figuring out how to make Adsense make me more money. I think since I started blogging two years ago (almost exactly!), I’ve made about $12 bucks. I’m not saying I’m not happy with my earnings…but I’m also not saying I wouldn’t mind more. I just need to figure out how to do that without changing what I write about or plastering my blog with ads.

This was half an accomplishment, since I did move my blog to WordPress! However, I never got around to making more money off this blog, which is fine.  I think my priorities in this have shifted a little, since I’m trying to find an actual job instead of trying to become a real blogger ;)

5. Develop Jeff’s art: portfolio, more art shows, website, you name it.

Again, I’d say half success on this one.  We did get his website going, and we’ve worked a few weddings since my original blog post on this, plus, we’ve been doing the Art Walk at The Camp for the last three months, and we’ve done a few other shows before that.  The reason I still give this a half success is because I think there’s a lot more I could’ve done on this front, BUT, I do think we’ve had some big accomplishments either say :)

6. Earn my blue shirt from Corazon

Nope.  Not even close.  Although I did work very hard on our annual Meeting and Fundraiser, I didn’t do nearly enough to reach the blue shirt status.  With baby on the way, I don’t see me going on any house builds anytime soon either, so this one will have to be on the back burner for a bit!

7. Make it to Arizona to Visit Courtney

HUGE SUCCESS!  Jeff and I went out there last May for her wedding.  We got to see their new home and dog, catch up, and then I got to officiate their wedding.  It was awesome!

court n rich

8. Develop Haiti Scholarships into a successful nonprofit

I guess this one depends on your measure of success.  We did finally obtain our 501(c) certification, which was HUGE. But there are still a lot of things I want to work on to make it run nice and smooth.  On the plus side, we did offer the greatest number of scholarships yet this year, so again, HUGE.  I guess my worry is sustainability, and because of that I don’t think I’ve quite reached the point I’d like to reach.  But, it’s all a work in progress, and as long as we’re moving forward and not backward, I’m pretty happy about this one.

9. Jump out of a plane.

Nope, not even close.

10. Go camping.

Another absolute failure.  For someone who went camping on her honeymoon, I can’t believe it’s been over two years since we’ve been camping.  I honestly think about being at our campsite in Bishop or Yosemite at least once a week (no, I’m not kidding).  What IS exciting, however, is thinking of adding a little boy into those imaginary pictures, and making that a reality someday soon-ish.

11. Go wine tasting.

SUCCESS!!  Phew, it was starting to get depressing, wasn’t it? ;)  This one is briefly catalogued in my 2012 wrap up blog.  Suffice it to say: mission accomplished.

Wine tasting at Wilson Creek Winery in Temecula, CA.

Wine tasting at Wilson Creek Winery in Temecula, CA.

12. Eat healthier, regularly.

Another big failure.  Another one that is mostly due to my being lazy.  Being at the store now makes that a little more difficult, but still not impossible.  Plus that’s only been since October, so there’s really no excuse.  I just have trouble thinking outside my usual “recipe box,” that I just throw in the towel.  Not to mention that Jeff’s parents cook most of the time, and that’s just too convenient to turn down!

13. Travel to Portland or Seattle

Again, negative.  But I do feel like this WILL happen.  Some day.

14. Learn to say no, when necessary.

I think this has been a success.  I haven’t had as much going on lately that would necessitate me saying no, but I have been much, much better about thinking things through before just going for it.

15. Have a romantic getaway weekend with Jeff.

Again, another half success. We did go to San Francisco at the beginning of July for a friend’s wedding.  Although I wouldn’t term this a “romantic” getaway since we spent most of the time with friends, I would call it a getaway, and we did have a very nice time.  We also did some exploring on our own and had a great time, so in that sense: SUCCESS!

Exploring Point Reyes

Exploring Point Reyes

So if I’ve learned one thing from this little exercise: be realistic when making your list! Or…be more determined to accomplish them :)

“I’m in a hurry to get things done.”

10 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by in accountability, addiction, lists, Uncategorized

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I don’t know why.  It’s just how I am.  I constantly need to be doing something, or have plans to do something.  If I don’t have a list of things that need to get done, I start to go crazy.

I make list after list after list of things that need to get done.  If I don’t have a list made, I feel my anxiety start to creep up as my mind constantly goes through a mental checklist of the things I have to accomplish that day…the whole time freaking out that I’m going to forget something.  Once it’s down on paper, I’m fine.  I could accomplish one of ten things on my list, but it’s ok: it’s on the list–it’ll get done at some point but at least I won’t forget it.  Once my list is made, I’m ok with being an over achieving procrastinator.  Things can wait.  As long as the list is made.  I also make lists just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing things off of it, I don’t care whether that’s good or bad.  Once the list is written, I definitely feel like I have accomplished something, and flying a kite doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

This need for structure and busyness often has the ability to ruin perfectly good weekends, when I should be happy that I have nothing to do and can spend it all day doing whatever I want with Jeff.  But my mind just goes bananas.  I start getting anxious that I should be doing something, or thinking of things that I could or should be doing instead of just sitting at home.  At the same time, I don’t want to do any of the things that I probably should be doing (hence the “procrastinator”).

I came across an article in the New York Times that seemed to hit the nail on the head. The title is “The Busy Trap,” and the article talks about how we, as humans, choose to be busy…we make ourselves busy.  No one tells me that I need to have lunch and keep up with people from various networks…I just do it.  No one requires that I participate in several different organizations that require my time and attendance at meetings.  I chose to participate in them.  No one forces me to attend weddings, birthdays, social hours, etc., on weekends.  But I do it–either because I want to or because I feel it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.

I realize that the busy lifestyle I have is one which I have created for myself.  The problem is that I’m never happy: I’m either stressed out about having overloaded myself with things to do, or I’m unhappy about not having anything “to do.”

I really wish that I could just let things go, relax, and enjoy my surroundings.  I’ve definitely gotten better at living in the “now” since I met Jeff, but I know I can be a lot better.  I just don’t know how to get to that point.

30 Before 30

11 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by in accomplishments, accountability, birthdays, goals, life, lists

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I recently saw a pretty cool blog idea where the writer wrote a list of things she wanted to accomplish, and then came back a year later and checked off which ones she had done, adding a link to her blog post of said activity. I thought I would do the same…and then I started thinking…it’s already November…by next November, I’ll be on the eve of my 30th birthday (by “eve,” I mean about four months away…if you know my husband, ask him a funny story about this). I also saw a friend who did a “30 before 30” list: things she wanted to accomplish before turning 30 (am I insulting your intelligence? pretty self explanatory?) So, why not combine my list of things I want to accomplish with this little, minor, not-a-big deal birth year and make it into a 30 before 30? I found no good reason not to, so here we go. Let’s see if I can find 30 things I want to do…

I want to:
  1. First and foremost, I want to be settled into a job. No more uncertainty of what I’m doing…whether it’s working somewhere, or working on my own, I want it to be legit, I want to be able to get pregnant if we decide we’re ready, I want to have health insurance, I want to feel financially….hmmm….not-on-the-verge-of-being-broke? I know this is a lot for #1, but I think they all are part of one big package.
  2. Travel. There are too many places I want to go to: Germany (Mike, Uli & Hank!), Spain (Isa!), Hawaii (again, self-explanatory, but I want to be consistent with the parenthesis), Guatemala (grandma), Haiti (self explanatory). I’m not expecting all of these to happen before I turn 30. I’d be happy with one or two.
  3. Become serious about some sort of work out: whether it be walking/hiking, or picking up rock climbing again, which I miss doing.
  4. Develop my blog. This includes moving to WordPress, as well as figuring out how to make Adsense make me more money. I think since I started blogging two years ago (almost exactly!), I’ve made about $12 bucks. I’m not saying I’m not happy with my earnings…but I’m also not saying I wouldn’t mind more. I just need to figure out how to do that without changing what I write about or plastering my blog with ads.
  5. Develop Jeff’s art: portfolio, more art shows, website, you name it.
  6. Earn my blue shirt from Corazon
  7. Make it to Arizona to visit Courtney (this I technically want to cross off my list early in the year)
  8. Develop Haiti Scholarships into a successful nonprofit
  9. Jump out of a plane
  10. Go camping
  11. Go wine tasting
  12. Eat healthier, regularly
  13. Travel to Portland or Seattle
  14. Learn to say no, when necessary
  15. Have a romantic getaway weekend with Jeff (we’ve been talking about going to Solvang for a while now)
Hmm. I’m about 15 accomplishments short of 30.
I guess I could fill it in with 15 things I want to have before I turn 30…but that’s too materialistic to be a serious goal.
Suggestions?

July 27, 2011

28 Thursday Jul 2011

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Things I did today:

  • Yoga session
  • Cleaned kitchen
  • Went to visit Brookie at Starbucks/had lunch with Jeff
  • Worked on website for Brookie & me (for the whole wedding ministry busy-ness), and wrote a couple intro blogs for it (this took a while…had to do a bit of research on how to do stuff on wordpress)
  • Set up twitter/gmail for the above business
  • Attended MCLE on immigration at Chapman
  • Registered for a free Microfinance course (now I just need to actually take the classes…)
  • Sent a few important emails and made some important phone calls
Things I didn’t do/need to do:
  • I’m not going to waste your time or mine spelling out the bazillion things I need to do…not until I can at least bring the list down to something reasonable :)

Updates and New Beginnings (Again)

25 Monday Jul 2011

Posted by in accountability, books, career, exercise, family, food, life, reading, work

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(Disclaimer: it’s a long one)

So many things to update on that I’ve actually been putting this off for a few days. Which, within the first line, leads me to digress already: I’m not sure why I feel the need to write; those that are close to me know what’s going on, and I don’t think I have too many random people following the intricacies of my life that I, for whatever reason, chose to post on the world wide web. Regardless, I feel I have the responsibility to let you all know what’s been going on. So here we go.
WORK. I haven’t written [too] much about my frustrations with TBM and my job because 1) I’m sure it gets old and most people seem to dislike their job to some degree; 2) it’s minor complaining compared to what other people have to deal with in their lives; 3) as someone once said before, “be ye not so stupid” and don’t write about your work on the internet unless you have permission to. So yeah, I wasn’t so keen on the idea of my boss finding out about my blog while I was still working there and reading all the things I hated about the position (although I’m pretty sure he knew anyway).
This job was meant to be temporary, but it actually started looking like it would turn into something more permanent, and then it didn’t. Woah, what does that even mean?! An attorney I used to work for (“TBM”) was in need of a legal assistant since the one he had left him high and dry. I needed the money, so I agreed to work in his office part time doing administrative work. He later asked me to start working full time, and told me there was room for me to grow and possibly start a family law practice within his firm. Which sounded great, except that 1) there wasn’t really enough time left in the week for me to “start a family law practice” while also keeping on top of all the other things I had to do (you know, important stuff, like correspondence and filing and making court and deposition appearances when him and the other attorney weren’t available); and 2) I didn’t really want to bust my ass to start a practice for someone else: if I’m going to put in the time and effort to learn a whole new area of law and make it work, I wanna make it work for me, not for someone else.
I could go on forever, but for your sake and mine, I’ll just say that the administrative and “personal assistant” duties became a bit much for me to handle, and I realized that any promises made were not going to come to fruition. I was planning on putting in my two weeks notice when TBM let me know last Friday that he was gonna have to let me go due to some financial difficulties. It wasn’t a huge shock, and aside from not having a steady check every two weeks (which is HUGE), I was actually relieved.
Here’s why.
I’ve been thinking about what I want to do, or at least what I could enjoy doing, that would help bring some income into our household. I’ve got some business ideas floating around with Jeff, my friend Brooke, and an old colleague also, but I haven’t been able to do anything with these ideas because I’ve been wasting forty hours a week at a pointless job. Sure, not having a source of steady income is scary as all hell, but I think it’s something that needed to happen to make me do something for myself. I’m so used to things working out, and always being able to get things done with minimal effort, that I’m not used to having to work really hard at things. This is my challenge, and I’m nervous/excited to see how I deal with it.
One thing Jeff and I did have to laugh/cry about: I wrote before about how our lives seem to be a roller coaster, but one that never careens out of control: there’s always a very delicate balance that keeps us holding on. I mentioned in the “Failure to Launch” blog (which I still have to respond to, thank you everyone for your very thoughtful comments!) how Jeff and I would be moving into his parents house. We were both so excited to be able to save up some money. But with the whole loss of income thing…it seems like we’ll be, once again, just getting by. Thankfully we won’t have to worry about paying rent, but we also won’t have the income we had…which we were hoping to save up. Just so typically us :)
FOOD. Salads. They’re kind of my jam right now. I grew up on salads that contained minimal ingredients, and figured that was the norm. I’m discovering that you can throw just about anything into a salad and make it delicious. Like almonds. Or bell peppers. Or feta cheese. Or cilantro! I know, they may seem obvious to you, but for whatever reason, they’re new discoveries to me, and I’m excited about it. I think I’ve been pretty good the last few weeks on not over-indulging on stuff. I did have Mickey D’s on Friday (right before I found out I was getting laid off), but that was because I had few alternatives, plus, it came out to about five bucks. Sigh.
This last picture is from dinner with Jeff’s parents on Sunday. Holy glorious. Those potatoes? Yep, amazing. Foil paper, slice, salt, butter, put some onion chunks over them, smear some italian dressing over them, put them on the grill, and voila. Not pictured: stuffed chile. I don’t know enough to give details, other than it was delicious. And it sent me into a food coma.
EXERCISE: I haven’t been the greatest at this, but with being unemployed and Vegas being around the corner, I’m really gonna try to kick it up a notch. Jeff and I are trying to go on little walks before/after dinner, and I actually made it to the gym this morning! It was probably my most lame attempt at working out, but I at least made it there. Baby steps…
THINGS I WANT: Remember that iPhone case I wanted? Here’s a reminder just in case. (Ha! iPhone “case”…”just in case“…get it?! wow…Lord help me…) Well….I GOT IT! Turns out Jeff wanted to give me some sort of compensation for helping him get his art show set up at Mesa, and it’s absolutely fabulous. It’s taking some getting used to, but I really like it. I still haven’t dropped my phone, so I can’t attest to it’s protective powers, but hopefully they’re good…because my phone falls quite a bit. Needless to say…I need to set up Jeff’s next art show before my next installment of “Things I Want”…this could be great!
Unemployment accountability: I think I might go back to my old accountability reports from my last stint of unemployment. It shamed me into being productive, and I might need that up and running again. I think this post is long enough as is, so I might skip my accountability from the last couple days, but I am proud of everything I did yesterday and today, so I’m off to a much better start.
The Walking Dead: One thing I did do yesterday was go to Barns & Nobel and buy Volume 13 of The Walking Dead. As if I didn’t have OCD issues on my own, this comic makes it nearly impossible to put down. I read volumes 11 & 12 on Sunday at Jeff’s parent’s house, and although we had volume 14…we were missing volume 13. So I went to B&N yesterday…then sat in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s reading about a third of it before I forced myself to go buy stuff for dinner and go home before finishing it. Which I did. Then I finished Volume 14. Holy cow. The father-son relationship reminds me so much of Roland and Jake from The Dark Tower, which I love. I actually keep wanting to call Carl, Jake. It’ll be interesting to see what they keep for season 2 of the show. And I’m hoping volume 15 comes out soon…
Well, I hope that wasn’t entirely boring. One thing I’m excited about with this whole unemployment thing is working on more substantive blog posts…so hopefully that works out to your advantage :)

Accountability Updates

08 Friday Jul 2011

Posted by in accountability, food

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I think I’ve done a little better at making slightly smarter decisions when it comes to what I’m eating, at least much better than I was in the weeks preceding my last update. I knew our 4th of July BBQ’s would be filled with hot dogs, chips, dips, etc., so I took broccoli over to Erika’s & Julian’s house and fixed that up as a side dish, and bought a fruit platter instead of chips and salsa (thank goodness Erika and Julian already had chips and salsa there though…). Honestly, eating that broccoli was super delicious. I had also brought some sweet potatoes (or maybe they were yams…I’m still not sure) for us to fix, and to my overly-exaggerated disappointment (Jeff, thank you for putting up with my dramatic antics), that didn’t quite work out.

My 4th of July downfall: Albertson’s chocolate chip cookies. Law-school-extern-buddy-turned-friend-turned-coworker-turned-friend, Rama, told me they were the best. And indeed, in the words of Nacho Libre, they are the beeeeest. And so is mint chocolate chip ice cream. Anyhow, I had three too many chocolate chips cookies on the 4th.

BUT, I did go on a nice long walk on Sunday morning, and did a full yoga session on Monday. That evens out, right?

Tuesday night Jeff and I made a conscious effort to go on a little walk around The Lab and The Camp before Suman’s show, and today I rediscovered how delicious super fresh salads are. I think I’m jumping back on to the healthy band wagon…

Accountability Updates

28 Tuesday Jun 2011

Posted by in accountability, cooking, exercise, food, health, rock climbing

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So, just realized that it’s been over 20 days since my last accountability report (well, technically 21, so just barely over 20…but “over 20” sounds more dramatic). In that post I had made it my goal to get through a whole pilates session that week. It’s been over 2o days…fine, 21….and I have to confess I haven’t even looked at a pilates video. I did a short session of yoga this weekend, and that’s been about it. Am I disappointed in myself? Yes. Am I surprised? No. I honestly don’t know what I need to do to motivate myself to find the time to work out. I get home from work and I have a list of about twenty things on my “to-do” list, and working out is never a priority. I also miss rock climbing. I’m hoping Jeff and I can head out with Pat and Charlie in a couple weeks.
I’ve been failing on the eating healthy area too. I’ve been doing a little traveling during the day for work, which means I stop by a drive through and pick up some form of grossness or another. But not tonight. Cooking up a pretty nice meal tonight.
I really need to figure out how to do everything in a day that I want to do: work at work, work on my side projects which make me happy, work out, cook healthy dinner, relax. Taking suggestions.
Also, I mentioned before how I had ordered a couple cookbooks. I was super excited when I got them, and now I’m not sure what to do with them. They’re both super cool, but a lot of the information is wasted on someone who doesn’t have more than a tiny balcony and can’t even grow basil in it. And, like most cook books, the recipes sound awesome, but intimidating, with ingredients I’ve never even heard of. So. Add that to what I want to do in my normal day: explore new recipes!