I think I finally found it: I feel like I finally found a “style” that I’m comfortable with, and that is more “me” that most of the stuff I’ve been wearing in my 27 (almost 28!) years of life.
In elementary school my fashion was decided by Catholic nuns and my grandmother, and I rarely complained about what I was told to wear or really cared to give much input. Then I came back to California in the middle of junior high, and my insecurities flourished like no other. I had basically skipped a grade in my transition from the Guatemalan school year to the U.S. school year, so I was insecure about almost everything.
Most importantly, I had missed out on prime years of pop culture (which I’ve never recovered from). There there was the fact that I had attended an all girls school, so dirty jokes that flourish in junior high went right over my head. And the topper: I frequently pronounced things wrong–if I actually looked Hispanic, I’m sure kids and teachers would have understood…but how does a white girl in seventh grade not know how to pronounce basic English words? And why would she ask what her “note” was instead of her “grade”? Well that’s because in Spanish grades are called “notas,” and I decided to go for the direct translation on that one…yep, I can still remember exactly how embarrassed I was when the teacher called me out on that one…in front of everyone. Oh junior high…how I don’t miss you. High school fashion wasn’t much better…as you can tell from the picture below.
Needless to say, I wasn’t the most secure or confident child. High school and college went by, and I never had the guts to wear stuff I really liked, because I didn’t think I could “pull it off.” I still don’t, actually. But one thing that has helped a lot is having a very loving husband who has helped me be more secure about who I am and how I look. He tells me that I can pull things off…so I wear them and realize no one is staring me down as I assumed they would (“what was she thinking when she put that on?”).
So here I am, at the age of 27, and I finally feel comfortable wearing what I want.